Conversations with my clients about body image often include conversations around the vulnerability of dating, the fear of judgement in general, and the belief that everything would just be easier if one was smaller.
As I sit here reflecting on sessions I have had lately, this quote by writer Matt Haig comes to mind:
"The sky isn't more beautiful if you have perfect skin. Music doesn't sound more interesting if you have a six-pack. Dogs aren't better company if you're famous. Pizza tastes good regardless of your job title. The best of life exists beyond the things we are encouraged to crave."
There is this fantasy of how amazing life will be at the end of the rainbow of body perfection. All you have to do is lose 10lbs and everything will appear in high definition. But, "the best of life exists beyond the things we are encouraged to crave."
What are you putting on hold until you get to that body goal? How much of life have you already sacrificed or missed out on? What if you did those things now and stopped waiting? What if your body wasn't a problem to be solved? What if cellulite and curves were okay and normal? What if you were deserving of love just as you are?
Yes- thin privilege is real. However, thin privilege doesn't guarantee love, happiness, or authentic connections. The more we look outward for validation or acceptance, the more unhappy we will feel. We live in a world that will always tell us we are not enough- not thin enough, pretty enough, successful enough. Over the years I have worked with models, ballet dancers, personal trainers and others who had a lot of thin privilege but who struggled deeply with shame and low self-esteem.
When we reject and turn away from ourselves in vulnerable moments we cause the most damage. We live in a culture of weight bias and oppression. The challenge is to not participate in our own oppression. It's up to us to create our own internal value system that we can ground ourselves in when faced with judgement from the world around us.
Instead of trying to be the right fit for as many people as possible, what if you tried to be the most authentic version of yourself and find the people who get you and love the things that are intrinsically you?